{Part Two} Gaslighting 101

Nine Types, Difference Between Lying and Gaslighting

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This is the second post in the Gaslighting 101 series. If you missed the first part, you can catch up here:

As a reminder:

Gaslighting is a psychological manipulation tactic used to make someone question their reality, memories, or perceptions. It is a covert (secretive/stealthy/disguised) form of emotional abuse.

“Power is in tearing human minds to pieces and putting them together again in new shapes of your own choosing.”
― George Orwell, 1984

Let’s jump right in and continue with Gaslighting 101.

One of the questions that therapy clients often asked me was, “What is the difference between lying and gaslighting?”

Here’s what I would tell them:

Lying is a purposeful untruth.

Gaslighting is a purposeful untruth used to manipulate and control.

While lying and gaslighting are both deceptive, gaslighting is more egregious because the person using it knowingly does so with the intent of asserting control, or manipulating you.

Over the years I’ve learned that most people know when they’re being gaslit but doubt themselves. They deny their intuition, their instinct, their gut.

Sometimes the doubt is because they care about the person gaslighting them, so they make excuses. Doubt can also stem from low self-worth (more on that later) or because the gaslighting occurred in a setting they weren’t expecting.

Today, I’ll discuss nine different types of relationships where gaslighting can occur. A few might surprise you, but I want to raise your awareness so you can notice patterns in your interactions and relationships.

Note: I’m limiting personal commentary on each to avoid inserting any bias. Where a personal experience is shared, I included it because I felt that it added to the conversation more than it detracts.

Nine Types of Gaslighting

1. Parental Gaslighting

Parental gaslighting occurs more frequently than you might suspect and unfortunately it can have long-term effects on a child’s sense of self, trust in their instincts, and emotional well-being.

Examples:

• Invalidating Emotions:

Child: “I’m afraid of the dark and don’t want to sleep alone.”

Parent: “You’re being ridiculous. There’s nothing to be scared of. Stop acting like a baby.”

This teaches the child that their fear is invalid or shameful, leading to that child suppressing their feelings in the future.

• Manipulating Allegiances (Golden Child/Scapegoat Dynamics):

A parent might praise one sibling excessively while belittling the other, then deny it when confronted:

Scapegoated child: “You always take my sister’s side.”

Parent: “That’s not true. You’re just jealous because she’s more mature/better-behaved than you.”

This creates sibling rivalry and starts to erode the child’s sense of fairness.

• Creating Confusion Around Abuse:

Child: “You hit me on my face, and it really hurt.”

Parent: “That wasn’t hitting. You’re exaggerating. I barely touched you.”

By reframing abusive behavior, the parent makes the child question their reality. This can lead to the child internalizing blame. Internalized blame can lead to anxiety, depression, and acting out.

2. Medical Gaslighting

Medical gaslighting affects the trust we place in our healthcare providers and can lead to poor health outcomes, especially for marginalized groups (e.g., women, people of color, or individuals with chronic illnesses such as myself).

Examples:

• Discrediting Patient Knowledge:

Patient: “I’ve been tracking my symptoms and noticed they worsen after exercise.”

Doctor: “There’s no relationship between the two. I think you’re probably overthinking this.”

This discourages patients from advocating for themselves, sharing information in the future, and questioning the connection they have with their body.

• Misattributing Symptoms to Weight or Lifestyle:

A patient with unexplained pain or fatigue is often told:

Doctor: “If you lose weight, this problem will probably go away.”

Look, I’m all for physicians addressing concerns about a patient’s unhealthy weight but attributing all of their symptoms or issues to weight is not okay. All it does is perpetuate stigma and invalidate a patient’s concerns.

• Ignoring Women’s Pain:

Patient: “I’m having severe pain in my abdomen during my period.”

Doctor: “That’s normal. Take some ibuprofen and you’ll be fine.”

Have you ever experienced something similar?

I have. Before I found a great doctor, I had a crappy doctor tell me the same words written above.

It turned out, I had endometriosis (a very painful condition). Our health care providers need to stop dismissing patients’ (especially women’s) concerns because this is how serious conditions get overlooked or missed.

3. Political Gaslighting

Political gaslighting undermines our public trust in institutions and the leaders who represent us in government. It can erode democracy by leading to a lack of voter participation, feeling like your vote doesn’t matter, and surrendering the power of your voice.

Examples:

• Discrediting Dissent:

Citizen/Constituent: “Your haphazard termination of government employees will affect services and jeopardize citizen access.”

Politician: “The only people who think this way are radical left lunatics or conspiracy theorists.”

By labeling citizens/constituents as lefties or fringe, the politician shuts down valid debate. This sends the message that the citizen has no voice unless it aligns with theirs.

• Promoting Misinformation While Denying Responsibility:

A leader spreads a false claim about an opposing party and later denies involvement:

Journalist: “You accused your opponent of corruption, but no evidence supports that.”

Politician: “I never made that claim. You’re fake news.”

This tactic creates confusion and sows doubt even if the claim was widely publicized.

• Fostering Fear and Division:

Politician: “If we allow these policies to continue, our country will be destroyed. Only I can fix this.”

This instills fear and positions the politician as the sole solution. Instead of using their critical thinking skills, the citizen/constituent blindly views the politician as the only choice.

4, Gaslighting in Romantic Relationships

This is where it all started—-in romantic relationships. Remember, the gaslighter has only one goal»»» control.

Examples:

• Denying Events

Partner A: “You said you would come home by 7 p.m. but didn’t.”

Partner B: “I never said that. You must be making it up.”

Result: Partner A starts questioning their memory and feels confused and guilty for bringing it up.

• Minimizing Emotions

Partner A: “I feel hurt when you don’t return my phone calls.”

Partner B: “You’re overreacting. It’s not a big deal.”

Result: Partner A begins to feel like their emotions are invalid and wonders if they’re too needy.

• Isolating the Victim

Abuser: “Your friends don’t really care about you. They only talk to you because they want something.”

Result: The victim begins to withdraw from their friends, becoming more reliant on the abuser.

• Blaming the Victim

Victim: “I feel hurt by how you yelled at me.”

Abuser: “I wouldn’t have to yell if you weren’t so annoying.”

Result: The victim feels responsible for the abuse and starts altering their behavior to appease the abuser.

5. Cultural Gaslighting

Cultural gaslighting occurs when institutions (schools, places of business, etc.), media, or rich and powerful groups manipulate perceptions to maintain control over marginalized communities.

Examples:

• Historical Revisionism – Rewriting or omitting historical events to downplay injustices, such as minimizing the impact of colonialism or slavery.

• Denial of Systemic Oppression – Insisting that racism, sexism, or other forms of discrimination no longer exist, despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary.

• Stereotyping and Media Representation – Portraying marginalized groups in ways that reinforce negative stereotypes while dismissing their lived experiences.

• Invalidating Mental Health Struggles – Labeling concerns about cultural identity, trauma, or discrimination as “overreactions” rather than legitimate struggles.

• Political Manipulation – Leaders using misinformation to make the public question the severity of issues such as climate change, human rights abuses, or economic inequality.

• Economic and Class Gaslighting - When struggling individuals speak about economic hardship, they may be told, "You just need to work harder," or “Stop buying that latte,” ignoring systemic issues like wage stagnation, discrimination, or lack of access to resources. This shifts blame onto individuals rather than addressing broader inequalities that exist.

6. Gender Gaslighting

Gender gaslighting occurs when individuals or institutions manipulate perceptions to invalidate or minimize gender-based experiences.

Examples:

• Dismissing Workplace Discrimination – Insisting that the gender wage gap or sexual harassment are myths despite evidence proving otherwise.

• Undermining Emotional Reactions – Labeling women as “too emotional” or men as “weak” for expressing vulnerability, reinforcing harmful stereotypes.

• Gaslighting in Healthcare – Ignoring or minimizing women’s pain or health concerns, often leading to misdiagnosis or inadequate treatment.

• Redefining Feminism or Masculinity – Twisting gender equality efforts to portray feminists as “crazy cat ladies” or indicating that men who express emotions are “beta boys.”

• Invalidating Non-Binary and Trans Identities – Dismissing gender fluidity as a trend, claiming that trans people are confused about their own identities or don’t exist at all, or labeling them as pedophiles (which is not accurate).

7. Gaslighting in the Workplace

This one is best explained through examples.

Examples:

• Shifting Blame

Employee: “You told me this assignment wasn’t a priority.”

Boss: “I never said that. You must have misunderstood. Now we’re behind schedule and it’s all because of you.”

Result: The employee feels incompetent and begins to doubt their professional abilities.

• Invalidating Concerns

Employee: “I’m overwhelmed with too many assignments. Could you give me a chance to catch up?”

Manager: “Everyone else is managing just fine. Maybe you’re just not cut out for this.”

Result: The employee feels incompetent, ashamed and afraid to speak up in the future.

8. Gaslighting in Friendships

Examples:

• Dismissing Reality

Friend A: “You said you’d come to my dinner party but you never showed up.”

Friend B: “I told you I couldn’t come. You must not have been paying attention when I said that.”

Result: Friend A questions everything and wonders if she misunderstood the conversation when her friend said she was coming

• Undermining Self-Worth

Friend A: “I feel like you’ve been ignoring my messages lately. I’ve texted you several times but haven’t received a reply”

Friend B: “Wow, you’re really needy. No wonder I’m your only friend.”

Result: Friend A feels humiliated and questions their self-worth.

9. Religious or Spiritual Gaslighting

Religious or spiritual gaslighting occurs when individuals, religious institutions, or community members manipulate others into doubting their beliefs, experiences, or autonomy in the name of faith. This form of gaslighting often enforces control, discourages questioning, and leaves little room for personal growth or dissent.

Examples:

• Dismissing Religious Trauma or Doubt

A person questions their faith after experiencing religious trauma (e.g., strict rules, exclusion, or punishment). Instead of acknowledging their pain, they are told, "You're just being tested by God," or "You’re letting the devil influence you."

This invalidates the person's pain and prevents them from processing or addressing real issues within their religious experience.

• Using Fear and Guilt for Control

A religious leader tells members, "If you leave this faith, you will be destined for Hell," or, "God will only love you if you obey without question."

This instills fear, making it difficult for individuals to leave or challenge harmful practices. It also creates dependency on the religious authority.

• Gaslighting Around Abuse

A church member who was victimized by a member of the clergy comes forward but he/she is told, "There’s no way Pastor X would do such a thing," or, "You're misinterpreting what happened. He was probably testing your faith.”

This silences survivors and allows abusers to continue operating without accountability.

• Justifying Harmful Beliefs or Practices

If a religious group imposes sexist, racist, or homophobic teachings and someone speaks out, they may be told, "That’s just God’s will," or "You’re twisting scripture—this is how it has always been."

This discourages critical thinking and forces individuals to accept harmful doctrines as unchangeable truths.

So there you have it. Nine different types of gaslighting. Did any of them surprise you?

Did you identify with any of the examples?

In my next Gaslighting 101 post, we’ll discuss the following:

• How To Set Boundaries with Gaslighters

• Tracking Gaslighting Behavior

• Recovering from Gaslighting

I hope to see you there.

x, Kim

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