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The day has been full of work, errands, kids, dinner, dishes, cleaning, and laundry and you're looking forward to a warm shower and bed.
Cause you're exhausted.
But when you finally hit those sheets, you lie awake.
Your brain replays the day's events while thinking about tomorrow's to-do list.
As you lay there, your heart starts beating faster and your palms feel sweaty. You toss and turn and feel like your life is spinning out of control.
As you lie there in the dark, you wonder why this is happening to you.
You just want to fall asleep like everyone else but you can't because your body and brain are revved up like an engine.
That thing you dread is back.
Hello, old friend.
It's me, anxiety.
So the questions you're asking yourself are:
Why didn't I feel anxious all day?
Why am I feeling anxious while I'm at home and trying to sleep?
Why is my anxiety worse at night?
The Answers
First, timing is everything.
If you look back through your busy day, you probably didn't have much time for deep thinking. Your day was likely full of quick thinking and lots of doing.
But now that you’re lying in bed without outside distractions?
Your brain is on full alert.
Negative thoughts may start to creep in.
There may also be feelings of fear or regret or wondering if you forgot to do something.
You might be worried about finances or a family member’s health.
As I discussed in this post, thoughts/feelings/behavior are all affected by one another.
So the anxiety you feel at night is initiated by your thoughts because you’ve activated your nervous system into a fight or flight response.
Now, if there were an actual threat to your life, the fight or flight response would be helpful for your survival but since there is no threat, the anxiety response you’re feeling isn't beneficial.
Science is cool
The amygdala, the part of the brain that initiates the fight or flight response, can’t tell the difference between an actual threat and a non-threat. A threat is a threat and your brain responds equally to both.
So now that your nervous system is activated, and your anxiety is sky-high, what do you do?
You take steps to make sure it doesn't happen in the first place.
How To Decrease|Prevent Nighttime Anxiety
◼️ About an hour before bedtime, do a brain dump in a journal or on a piece of paper. Write down your worries, fears, thoughts, and concerns, and try not to censor yourself. When you're done, close the journal and forget about what you've written.
If you're not sure what to write, or you need prompts, download a copy of The Worry Journal. It contains prompts that I've used personally and professionally over the past twenty-five years.
The Worry Journal was designed to help you unclutter your thoughts, challenge your thinking, reframe your perspective, introduce a sense of calm, learn positive self-affirmation, and explore how thoughts and moods are intertwined.
◼️ If you're a worrier by nature, designate a "worrying time." Schedule 15-30 minutes during the day and only worry during that time. If you find yourself worrying outside of your designated worry time, picture a stop sign, and stop.
◼️ Start preparing for sleep thirty minutes before bedtime. You can do this by taking a bath, putting on pajamas, relaxing with a book, and/or diffusing a calming essential oil like lavender. Having a wind-down routine before bedtime serves as a signal to your brain that it's time to calm down.
◼️ Avoid caffeine four to six hours before bedtime. Caffeine is a stimulant and you don't need your nervous system stimulated before bedtime. Instead, try a calming tea.
◼️ Practice deep breathing before bed and if needed, while you lie in bed.
If you've never practiced deep breathing before or you're looking for more guidance, search YouTube for “deep breathing” or “Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR).”
PMR is the technique that my therapist introduced me to when I first started experiencing anxiety over twenty-five years ago. She made a recording for me that I listened to every night. It helped stop that night's anxiety and allowed me to fall asleep.
By the sixth night, I had fallen asleep halfway through the recording.
Note: I plan on recording a downloadable PMR audio for my paid subscribers.
◼️ If your anxiety is fueled by catastrophizing (always thinking the worst) or thinking the worst about yourself, take some time to work on your negative self-talk and use the decatastrophizing workbook I created.
◼️ Practice mindfulness. Some people think mindfulness is a bit woo-woo but it's been proven to work for anxiety. So what is it?
...mindfulness is about paying attention to the present moment, without judgment and with a sense of acceptance and compassion for whatever you’re experiencing (Kabat-Zinn, 2003). The practice doesn’t say that you have to like what’s there; rather, it’s about noticing and cultivating an internal attitude of acceptance to what is, without trying to push it away or cling to it. This isn’t to be confused with passivity. Mindfulness is about actively engaging in the present moment, and choosing to act (or not), from this place of heightened awareness. source
So, let's put mindfulness to work.
When you go to bed, focus on how your bed feels and how grateful you are to have a place to rest and rejuvenate. Keep your mind focused on nothing but sleep.
Next, take a few deep breaths.
Release the tension in your body and relax your arms, legs, back, hands, neck, and head.
Tell yourself, "I'm going to get a good night's sleep. I am safe and protected and my body is guiding me to what it needs--sleep. The challenges of the day are over and I release them with each breath I take. I shall not steal away from this moment by worrying about tomorrow."
Mindfulness is one of my favorite techniques to use not only for anxiety but also for depression and grief.
◼️ Practice positive affirmations.
You either love them or hate them but in the right circumstances, positive affirmations can be quite helpful.
Remember how I said earlier that one of the primary causes of anxiety is our thoughts?
And the majority of our thoughts usually fall into one of two categories: negative or positive.
An example of a negative thought {that you may have while lying in bed} is:
"I'm probably going to screw up my presentation tomorrow."
An example of a positive thought {or a healthier way to reframe the above}:
"I'm nervous about tomorrow's presentation but I will get through it by trying my best."
See the difference?
Since your mind can only hold either a positive or negative thought (not both), you can improve your mental well-being and reduce anxiety by filling it with positive affirmations.
Download a copy of my Nightly Positive Affirmations printable.
Print it out and pick one or two affirmations to say while getting ready for bed or while bathing/showering. Repeat them aloud if you're comfortable doing so.
Repeat this nightly for at least thirty days. It's seriously a good self-care habit to have.
Sometimes I combine an affirmation with deep breathing because it helps take my anxiety level down a notch.
While this is certainly not an exhaustive list of all the tools and techniques available to help stop your anxiety at night, I sure hope it's a good place for you to start.
I spent most of my early 20's drowning in anxiety, depression, negative self-talk, and low self-esteem. It was a horrible time in my life so I trust me when I tell you that I understand how hard it is to break free from anxiety.
My saving graces were my resilience, a good therapist, a desire to be and feel better, and my drive to reach my future goals.
Now, is therapy and mental health care a one-and-done type of thing?
No. You need to nurture your mental health just like you nurture your physical health.
Anxiety and depression still revisits me from time to time but I can manage it better because I understand that thoughts/feelings/behaviors affect one another.
This has made a huge difference in how I think and feel.
I want the same for you.
Be well, Kim.