What I Want You To Know About Panic Attacks + Anxiety
And the one thing that changed my perspective
Backward Facing Therapy gives you behind-the-scenes stories from my time as a therapist and therapy client. It’s soulful and transformative mental health content from my couch to yours. You can support my writing by becoming a paid subscriber or sharing this post. I’m so happy you’re here. Sit by me.
Content Warning: This post contains a narrative about panic attacks. Proceed with caution.
Sitting on the bench in a mall food court, I wondered if this was where I would die.
All I wanted was a quick bite between college classes, yet here I was struggling to breathe.
Are people staring at me?
Now I’m starting to shake.
Did my sandwich give me food poisoning?
With the empty sandwich wrapper still in hand, I walked to the trash can and headed towards the mall exit.
If I’m going to die, it’s going to be in my car. Not in this mall surrounded by strangers.
Now my heart is pounding so hard I feel like I’m going to have a heart attack.
Oh god, I’m dizzy.
Am I dying? I feel like I’m going to die.
I’m struggling to breathe. Now I’m sweating like a maniac.
I fumble my car keys but manage to get into my car. I turn the AC on as high it will go and I lean back with my eyes closed.
“Lord, I promise that I’ll eat better, exercise more, and get more sleep if you just make it stop.”
Great. Now I’m bargaining with a God I felt had abandoned me when I needed him most.
About five minutes later, all of the symptoms stop. The heart pounding, the difficulty breathing, the sweating, and the dizziness—-gone.
As I drove back to class, my only thought was, “Is this going to happen again?”
It does. A few days later.
Now my life seems to center around one question, “Will the “hell experience” happen today?”
One evening, the heart pounding, dizziness, sweating, and dry mouth were so bad that I ended up in the emergency room. I was certain I was dying.
But I wasn’t. I was having a panic attack.
According to the Cleveland Clinic:
A panic attack causes sudden, temporary feelings of fear and strong physical reactions in response to ordinary, nonthreatening situations. When you’re having a panic attack, you may sweat a lot, have difficulty breathing and feel like your heart’s racing. It may feel like you’re having a heart attack.
A panic attack happens suddenly, and symptoms usually peak within 10 minutes after they start. Let’s not kid ourselves, though. It can feel like an eternity.
Physical symptoms of a panic attack include:
Chest pain.
Racing heart.
Difficulty breathing, such as hyperventilation.
Trembling or shaking.
Chills.
Nausea.
Sweating.
Tingling or numbness in your fingers or toes.
You may feel:
Intense terror.
A choking or smothering sensation.
Fear of losing control.
Like you’re going to die.
Derealization (feelings of unreality) or depersonalization (feeling detached from yourself).
So now I’m an eighteen-year-old college student living in fear of “the hell experience” happening again.
Frustrated, I make an appointment with my family doctor who did what most doctors did back then.
He prescribed Xanax.
And the Xanax worked.
But it only worked when I felt “the hell experience” starting.
As I’ve frequently discussed in earlier essays, I sought out therapy.
And it changed my life.
But there’s something that my then therapist said to me that rocked my world. It’s so simple, yet so powerful.
It’s something I often used with my own clients.
Here it is:
Think of a time when your panic attacks or anxiety did not stop? Does such a time exist?
Wow, right?
In my fifteen years of seeing clients, not one person could say that their panic attacks did not end.
Back to that young college-aged kid full of angst and anxiety and panic attacks, she (me) started doing three things:
I reminded myself that this panic attack, no matter how horrible it feels, it is going to end. That totally changed my perspective.
I worked on controlling my breathing. Instead of feeling like I was gasping for air, I started practicing deep breathing. Example: Inhale deeply for three seconds, exhale deeply for three seconds.
I learned how to interrupt the panic and anxiety with grounding techniques. Grounding techniques are a way to refocus your brain/nervous system and bring you back to the present. This is the exact grounding technique script I used:
Name five things you can see.
Name four things you can touch.
Name three things you can hear.
Name two things you can smell.
Name one thing you can taste.
By using these tools and techniques, and addressing my negative self talk, I was able to kick my panic attacks to the curb.
Note: If you learned by reading this essay that what you’ve been experiencing is panic/anxiety, your first visit should be to your primary care doctor. They will make sure there is no disease-based origin (like thyroid disease, adrenal issues, etc.,).
Reminder: This content is for informational purposes only and should not be considered medical advice. Consult with your healthcare professional for any immediate concerns.
If you’re a paid subscriber, head to Kim’s Therapy Space and download a printable pocket sized grounding technique card. You can fit them in your purse, wallet, or hang on your bathroom mirror.
Journal Prompt:
What would you tell your best friend/family member while they’re experiencing anxiety? What’s stopping you from applying that advice to yourself?
Be well, friends. With knowledge, time, and practice YOU CAN do hard things.
Kim