Letting Go Of Ugly
Are You Holding Onto Things Rotting Your Core?
Backward Facing Therapy contains soulful and insightful stories from my time as a therapist, and therapy client. Sometimes you have to look back so you can move forward. Sit by me and we’ll do it together. Posts are for informational purposes only and should not be considered a substitute for professional mental health care.
They tore down the barren and disfigured old willow tree today.
The one who stood in its nakedness while its sister across the pond flourished with lush green vines.
The old naked willow reminded me of finding a seashell in the forest—out of place and in stark contrast to its surroundings.
How torturous it must have been to be barren, twisted, and distorted.
As unsightly as it was, I was used to seeing it every day, and it blended in after a while.
Could that be why it took the property owners almost two years to cut it down? Were they also used to seeing the barren and brown tree?
I felt a twinge of sadness as I watched them cut it down.
Even though it had big ugly branches that broke a neighboring fence, I was sad to see it go.
Even though it had rotten roots that protruded and smelled of sulfur, I was sad to see it go.
Even though the moon turned the tree into a spooky creature with gangly arms and massive height, I was sad to see it go.
A part of my landscape was being taken away.
And I wondered why the removal of this old tree had stirred sadness and angst within.
And then I realized…
How often have I held onto something ugly or useless because it was part of my everyday landscape?
Because it was something I was used to?
How many unkind words? How many false accusations?
How many character assassinations?
How much dead and ugly have I held onto?
In the past, I’ve unnecessarily held onto ugly things for far too long.
Things that eventually, rotted my core and infected my roots.
Things that killed my self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-worth.
Today, the post-therapy me, the work-in-progress me, no longer allows ugly and hurtful words to become part of her landscape.
I tend to my garden.
I tend to myself through mindfulness, healthy boundaries, journaling, and other therapeutic tools.
These things work together to form a shield against any ugliness that comes my way.
As I write this today, I can see the space where the old, ugly willow tree once stood.
It’s no longer part of the landscape.
And do you know what?
This makes the remaining willow tree even more beautiful. Somehow its branches seem ever more lush, green, and plentiful.
Dear reader, do not allow the ugly things to ruin your beauty and peace.
Do not allow the ugly branches to break through your boundary fence.
Do not allow unkind words to rot your core.
Tend to your garden, friends.
Journal Prompts/Things to Ponder
What ugly things are you carrying around that are rotting your core? How can you let them go?
Where in your life do you need better boundaries?
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Before You Go…
I’m presenting a pre-recorded session on “Tuning Out Mom Shame and Comparison” at the Mental Health & Motherhood virtual conference. Learn how to treat yourself with compassion and love while learning tips and techniques from experienced and knowledgeable speakers. I sure hope you’ll join us! More information and tickets here.
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